">Culture has different meanings that could be as diverse as the universe. Culture refers to different ways of life. Could be in terms of religion, language, dress code, societal beliefs, staple foods and so on. Depending on the culture that one comes from, he/she might think of the other culture as superior or inferior.

While we all accept cultural diversities and try to accomodate each other in a common ground that is respective of rights of the other person, we need to know when does someone do something out of ignorance of that culture and when do they do something, knowingly to them that it’s a bad thing to do then blame it on culture. Sometimes it’s really hard to tell but sometimes it’s as clear as ice when a person disrespects the other.

In my desire to understand how culture plays a role in relationships (Boyfriend-Girlfriend or Husband-Wife), I realise that in most cases one person thinks that their culture is superior than the other’s culture and so tries to change another person to be what they are.

For instance, if i am used to wearing dresses that reach my ankle and i like it that way, why do i have to stop wearing them because a man prefers to see me in a bikini or a mini skirt? Or just because in his opinion, my dresses are ‘too cheap’. If i like to eat Ugali/ Githeri, why do i have to change my diet to Fish and Chips? If sometimes we eat the foods i like and sometimes the food he likes then it’s a mid point which works well. If i feel that am forever eating what he likes, then am slowly loosing who i am and living his life.

As an African girl growing up, there are so many expectations as a daughter. To clean the house, clean the compound, cook, wash clothes, clean the dishes, go to the river to get water, be the best in school, get married before she ‘expires’ and the list goes on and on.

As the girl grows up she seeks to have a different life. May be just a quarter of a life that she saw her brothers live. To have time to play, watch TV, do house chores when she feels like it and rest when she wants.

A man from a different culture comes to Africa and expects to find the ‘African’ woman as a wife. Good wife, submissive, can clean and cook well. Can dance to any tune he asks of her to dance to. If the man cooks one day then he expects the woman to say ‘you did very well’. In the real sense, if two people are living together, everyone should work. So, how comes everyday of the week when I cook food and serve and wash the dishes, he does not say, ‘you did very well’? The misconception of getting a good woman goes on to expecting the woman to wash his clothes and clean the house and even beg him to take a shower. Personal hygiene lacks in some people. Some people blame it on culture but we all choose when to shower or when not to.

In my culture for example, If my friends call me at 12.30pm and say they are coming over for lunch, I do not say no to them and that they should come after lunch. We will all share the amount of food that is there. For me the friendship is more important than the food. Sometimes it’s not about your budget being disorganized, it’s about the friendship and the laughter. So when in a relationship and the man says that according to his culture if your friends come they’ll not eat, he is being selfish and if he lives in your country then perhaps he should try adjusting to the culture of the place he lives in.

It’s the bad manners in a relationship that someone shows to their partner then blames it on culture that makes it a worse sin. Offensive and even lowers the other parties esteem. For example, picture a scenario where you have your friends over and you are watching the world cup match. When your team is just about to score, your partner switches off the TV and asks you to go and wash the dishes.

Another scenario would be when you have to hear your spouse abuse someone else and when you tell him that he has disrespect for other people and for you, it becomes a big deal because you are now the one who is on the wrong. Just for saying the truth.

To many of us growing up in Africa, the society makes it clear on the priories to have in life. For example, seeing a man play guitar might not make me drop dead in shock because that is not something really extraordinary. Seeing a man go to work and spend time with his family and have total respect for his wife and children makes me happy and makes me feel it’s such an extraordinary thing.

Many of African women live in abusive and manipulative relationships and sometimes we stay in these relationships simply because the man is the sole breadwinner of the family, fear of being alone, fear of what the society will say because I left my husband all alone, peer pressure (for all your friends are dating foreigners and you to still want to be accepted in the friendship circle), not having enough strength/will to move on, having a good heart and giving him the chance to change to be a better man.

So, in the end we continue to suffer and loose our esteem as the man practices all these selfish things like watching sports all the time. Whenever we would like to watch our Mexican soaps and Kenyan soaps, he dismisses of them as ‘silly things’.

In the end when we feel we have enough strength to move on, we realize that we have one life to live and we need to live it well and happy, realize that with or without the man in our lives our life still goes on, then we move on. It’s a tough decision but a right decision. Never feel sorry or apologize for your choice. You made a right decision so be happy and smile.

Long live all the strong women.